Danasnji vic

[broj310]

изнервирани власник пса зове друштво за заштиту животиња:
-добар дан, молим вас, дођите одмах. поштар седи на дрвету и виче на мог пса.

[Kitty]

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without.

"Send extra sauce."

[NSdjanka]

Sretne vuk Crvenkapu dok je išla šumom i pita:
- Gde ideš Crvenkapo?
- Idem kod bake.
- Hoćeš li mi dati adresu tvoje bake?
- Naravno, baka@hotmail.com...

[memento]

U salonu automobila:
- Dobar dan, interesuje me najnoviji model Yuga!
- Dobar dan... izvolite pogledati... evo ga ovde...
- Oh, svidja mi se! A, ima li klimu?
- Klimu? Kako da ne... ima klimu, ABS, grejanje sedista... Ima i dodatno dugme koje kad pritisnete odmah automatski aktivirate krila i pri vecoj brzini mozete i da letite...
- Ma, da vi to mene ne zajebavate!?"
- Cujte, pa... prvi ste poceli...

[A6quattro]

Stoji kondom ujutru ispred ogledala i pita se:
- Koji kurac danas da obucem?

[robins]

Pregleda doktor Lalu, zamišljen , povremeno vrti glavom, pa konačno prozbori:
- Auuu, meni se ova vaša bolest uopšte ne sviđa !
- Izeš ga , gos'n doktore, al' ja bolju nemam!

[A6quattro]

Pitali Lalu sta vise voli, Bozic ili seks. A on ce:
- Ta Bozic, dolazi cesce.

[NSdjanka]

Na času pita učiteljica djake:
- Šta je to belo i ima dve noge?

Milica odgovori istog trena: Kokoška!

- Tačno Milice,ali mogla je biti i guska!

- A šta je to crno i ima 4 noge?

Marko kao iz topa: Pas!

- Tačno Marko, ali mogla je biti i mačka!

Na to će Perica:

- Znate li vi učiteljice šta je veliko i tvrdo kad se stavi u usta,
a malo i smežurano kad se izvadi napolje?

Učiteljica pocrveni i opali Perici šamarčinu (pedagoški, je l`te)

Na to će Perica:

- Ali mogla je biti i žvaka!

[yossarian]

Kresu se Zemunac i Dorcolka, kad odjednom Dorcolka pocne da mumla:

- Svrsicu, svrsicu, svrsicu!

A Zemunac joj odvali samarcinu i rece:

- P..ka ti materina ko ti je taj Svrsic!?

[A6quattro]

Idu dva puza ulicom i jedan ce drugom:
- Ajmo u bioskop!
- Vazi! Sta se daje sledece godine?